A supernatural play
by nerwende90
Summary: The boys have to face an old enemy. And they thought the apocalypse was bad. Comedy in one act and six scenes. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Scene I

**Okay, so I'm trying something different. We've got a lot of poetry going on in this fandom, but do we actually have plays? I don't think we do, but if you know any Supernatural play then feel free to point it out to me and bring my ignorance in that matter to an end.**

**Anyway, I decided to give it a shot. Funny thing is, it all started because I wanted to write but had no prompt idea. A little while later this insanity was born. My mind is a wonderful place. Please tell me if I should go on with this or bury it somewhere deep inside my head and pretend I never posted it.**

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><p><em>Bobby's living room. Sam is sitting on the couch, lazily surfing on his laptop. Bobby's at his desk, chin in hand, turning the pages of a book that doesn't even seem to interest him. Castiel is standing by the window, with his back to the wall and his arms crossed, looking deep in thoughts. Dean is restlessly pacing the room with his hands in his pockets.<em>

DEAN. How long's it gonna last?

SAM _(without looking up)_. You know as well as I do that there's no way to tell.

DEAN. Yeah but last time it went on for what? Three years? Four years?

SAM. Two years.

DEAN. Felt like more than that.

SAM. These things aren't so easy, Dean.

DEAN. Then why is she doing it?

SAM _(finally looking at his brother)_. You do know you're being a brat, right?

DEAN. You're the brat.

SAM. Very mature.

DEAN. Bitch. _(He waits for Sam's infamous answer, but his brother remains silent)_ Uh, Sam?

SAM. I'm not gonna give you the pleasure.

DEAN _(throwing his arms up)_. Whatever! _(He turns around and notices Castiel is still gazing into space. Dean walks up to him.) _Hey Sam, check it out. _(He's standing very close to the angel, waving his hands in front of his face. Castiel doesn't flinch.) _What is he, a statue? _(Dean leans in inches from the angel's face, looking into his eyes as if trying to see through them.) _Man, he'd look great standing in front of Buckingham Palace!

CASTIEL _(startling Dean)_. Stop it, Dean.

DEAN _(taking several steps back, a hand on his chest)._ Geez, Cas! What are you trying to do to me?

BOBBY. Maybe if you stopped bitching around and annoying the hell out of everyone...

DEAN. I'm bored! We've been stuck here like this with nothing to do for over two years and still no sign of a change. All we can do now is sit here and wait to see what she's gonna throw our way but I'm telling you, if we have to take two more years of that I'm gonna blow my brains out.

SAM _(with a scoff)._ Bet she'd like that.

DEAN. Nah, she's got a new target now. _(He pointedly looks at Castiel)_

CASTIEL. It's not my fault. If you think I enjoy her... attention-

BOBBY. Yeah, the girl likes you two.

CASTIEL. I would gladly pass on that.

DEAN _(to Bobby)._ You do have a point though. How come she never comes after Sam and you?

SAM. Dunno. Not really sure I care either. At least we're safe.

DEAN. Yeah right. As if anyone was safe around her.

_The door is suddenly thrown. Enter Balthazar with a bittersweet smile on his face. He barely took a couple of steps in the room when the doors slams shut. _

BALTHAZAR. Howdy, boys.

DEAN. Welcome to Hell, buddy.

CASTIEL. I was really hoping you'd escaped her.

BOBBY. Not a chance. Once she gets you, she never lets you go.

BALTHAZAR. Yes, she seems to like me very much and wanted to add me to her collection. And apparently, what happened two months ago only increased her interests.

DEAN. Well don't go complain. At least you and Cas got to do something.

SAM _(to Balthazar)_. Whoa hold on one sec. Didn't you die like the very next week?

BALTHAZAR. It hardly seems to matter now, does it? What matters is what she's gonna do to us.

DEAN. Damn straight. Besides almost everyone here has died a coupla times. We're not gonna start fussing over it now.

CASTIEL. Right. If we are here, it means she has plans for us.

BALTHAZAR. Wonderful.

SAM. You don't say.

_Balthazar walks up to the cabinet, takes a bottle of scotch and two glasses. He pours two drinks, walks up to Castiel and hands him a glass. Castiel looks confused for a second before he takes it with a small nod._

DEAN. Hey, how come we're not getting drinks?

BALTHAZAR. Because you guys are not my brothers.

DEAN. What does that have to do with anything?

BALTHAZAR _(with a big smile)._ Nothing.

_He seems to think it's a good enough explanation and goes to stand next to his brother. Dean huffs and goes to get the bottle of scotch and three glasses, pours three drinks and gives two of them to Sam and Bobby, glaring at the angels all the while._

BALTHAZAR. So, how long do you think it's gonna take?

CASTIEL. Don't start that debate again.

SAM. Yeah, it's getting kind of annoying.

BOBBY. Kind of?

BALTHAZAR. Excuse me for wondering how long I'm gonna be doomed here with you.

DEAN. You never know, with that bitch.

SAM. Dean!

DEAN. What?

SAM. Watch your mouth, she might hear you!

DEAN. What's she gonna do, kill me? Because that would be new!

CASTIEL. What your brother means - and I have to agree with him - is that there's no need to provoke her. You never know what she might come up with.

BALTHAZAR. I concur.

DEAN. Yeah, what do you know about it, Balthazar? You barely even know her.

BALTHAZAR. I know what she's capable of.

_The door opens again, and in comes a very confused looking Crowley. He whips around when the door slams shut, startled. He turns back to look at the boys._

DEAN. Okay now this is ridiculous.

BALTHAZAR _(sarcastically)._ New arrival! Scotch all around!

CASTIEL. Balthazar...

CROWLEY. What on earth is going on?

BOBBY. She's got you.

SAM. You're stuck here just like us.

CASTIEL. There's no escaping her.

BALTHAZAR. All you can do now is sit back, relax, and see with what sauce you'll get eaten.

DEAN. "See with what sauce you'll get eaten"?

BALTHAZAR. French expression.

DEAN. Ah.

CROWLEY. What are you talking about? Who is she? And what are we all doing here?

BOBBY. We don't know her real name.

SAM. Around here she calls herself 'nerwende90', though we call her Nerwende.

DEAN. Worse than any creature on earth or in hell, that chick.

BALTHAZAR. And the inevitable has happened.

CROWLEY. What?

CASTIEL. Her muse has deserted her.

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><p><strong>I don't even know. <strong>

**Okay, so what do you guys think? Should I go on?**

**In case you didn't get the hint, reviews are appreciated. A lot.**

**nerwende  
><strong>


	2. Scene II

**Okay, well it seems this story's only got one follower. Well no matter, one's enough for me to go on. Thank you, kissacazador, for bearing with me. This chapter's for you, hope you'll like it.**

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><p><em>Still in Bobby's living room. Dean has taken a seat on the couch next to his brother while Bobby, Castiel, Balthazar and Crowley are all sitting on chairs around the coffee table. The whole scene looks like a meeting.<em>

CROWLEY. Nerwende?

DEAN. Yep.

CROWLEY. Her muse has deserted her?

SAM. That's right.

CROWLEY. What does that even mean?

CASTIEL. She's been trying to write for a while now, but she can't see to achieve anything satisfying.

DEAN. Yeah, as if the actual writers didn't give us enough of a hard time.

CROWLEY. And it's really bad because...?

DEAN. Because either she writes stuff that will automatically get us hurt-

SAM. And by "us" Dean means Cas and him.

DEAN. Or she writes nonsense that tries to pass as humor and makes us look absolutely ridiculous.

CASTIEL. She only did it once.

DEAN. Yeah, and it worked! A lot of people liked that story, even though it was insane.

SAM. Not to mention completely OOC.

CROWLEY. OCC?

SAM. Out of character.

CROWLEY. Ah.

DEAN. She always goes OOC anyway. The chick doesn't get us.

BALTHAZAR. Well you guys _are_ a piece of work.

CROWLEY. When you say her stories get you hurt, you mean...

DEAN. I mean I died five times, got beaten up more than I can count, and got so much angst and chick flick moments I think I'm gonna turn into a girl next.

CASTIEL. And I died three times, two of them as a fallen angel.

DEAN. Hey Sam, didn't you get wasted once too?

SAM. Yeah, in that fic where all three of us get killed.

CROWLEY. And I'm out of here. _(He stands up to leave)_

BOBBY. Where do you think you're going?

CROWLEY. If you guys are willing to wait here for her to strike, then please stay. Thing is I've grown accustomed to living, so I'll leave now before she gets me.

_No one is trying to hold him back. Crowley walks up to the door, turns the handle... and nothing happens. He tries again, several times, but the door won't open. After a while he gives up and sits dejectedly back down on his chair._

BALTHAZAR _(with an innocent smile)_. Decided to stay after all, darling?

CROWLEY. Bite me.

BALTHAZAR. Oh I wouldn't dream of it.

BOBBY. Alright, alright, the last thing we need is another pair of idjits fighting like an old couple.

CASTIEL. Bobby's right, we have to stay calm and wait patiently.

CROWLEY. Wait for what? Slow and painful death?

BALTHAZAR. Something like that.

CROWLEY. Who committed the great mistake to tell you you were funny?

SAM. Guys, seriously, enough!

BALTHAZAR _(ignoring Sam)._ What are you worried about anyway? It's Dean and Cas she likes to kill, we're in the clear.

DEAN. No, no, she just goes after Cas now. He's her new favorite.

CASTIEL. Don't remind me.

CROWLEY. Why does she kill him if he's her favorite?

SAM. Apparently she - and a lot of other authors too - likes to hurt her favorite characters because then the focus is on those characters.

BALTHAZAR. Right. And then from all the others there's the care and friendship, and the don't-leave-me-I-don't-want-you-to-die moments...

DEAN. In a word, chick flick moments.

CASTIEL. That's three words.

DEAN. Very funny, Cas.

SAM. Hey, let's just be grateful she isn't a slash writer.

DEAN. Yeah, thank God for small mercies.

CROWLEY. What's slash?

BALTHAZAR. As in "Sam/Dean" aka "Wincest", "Dean/Castiel" aka "Destiel", "Sam/Gabriel" aka "Sabriel"...

CROWLEY. Okay, okay, got it.

CASTIEL. She isn't fond of those stories.

CROWLEY. Homophobic much?

SAM. What? No! She just likes friendship stories better.

CASTIEL. She doesn't even write romance at all.

DEAN . You can't write about what you don't know.

SAM. I think she has once or twice, but not for us.

CROWLEY. But there's something I still don't understand.

BALTHAZAR. Figures.

SAM. Dude!

CROWLEY _(ignoring Balthazar)_. I don't understand what _I'm _doing here.

DEAN. What do you mean?

CROWLEY. Well she already wrote about you guys and I'm guessing that's why you're here. But what about me? An hour ago I didn't even know who she was.

CASTIEL. I think she wants to put you in a story.

BOBBY. Right. At first it was me, Cas, Sam and Dean. Then Balthazar came in, then you.

CROWLEY. But you said she didn't know what to write.

SAM. She doesn't, but she knows who she wants for her stories.

CROWLEY. Who's that girl anyway?

CASTIEL. She's a twenty years old Belgian.

CROWLEY. Then why are we speaking English?

DEAN. Oh I don't know, maybe 'cause we're American and the guys you two _(he gestures at Crowley and Balthazar) _are wearing are British. Would that be a clue?

BALTHAZAR. Technically my vessel is French.

CASTIEL. Then why does he have a British accent?

BALTHAZAR. He's part Scottish.

CROWLEY. Is it possible for you guys to focus for more than two seconds?

BALTHAZAR. It is. We choose not to.

BOBBY. Will you shut up?

CASTIEL. I don't think he even knows what it means.

SAM _(to Crowley)._ Why did you ask, anyway?

CROWLEY. Because if the girl's Belgian, her mother tongue is French, right?

CASTIEL. Technically it could also be Dutch or German, depending on which part of the country she lives in... _(everyone gives him dirty looks)_ Yes, French is her mother tongue.

CROWLEY. Then shouldn't she be writing in French?

SAM. She's fluent in English. Maybe it's her way to... I don't know, practice?

BOBBY. That would make sense.

DEAN. The other explanation might be that since we don't speak French, we might not even understand what we're saying.

SAM _(snickering)._ Single dumbest thing you've ever said, right there.

DEAN. Yeah, because the "practicing" argument is so much more logical!

SAM. It is!

DEAN. Is not!

BALTHAZAR. Allons les enfants, on prend une grande respiration et on se calme. _(Everybody looks at him incredulously)_ See why we don't speak French?

CROWLEY. Right.

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><p><strong>Balthazar said : "Come on kids, let's take a deep breath and calm down"<strong>

**Alright, see you next week for Scene III.**

**nerwende**


	3. Scene III

**Thanks to JieL, this story has now two reviewers**_, _**yay! *throws confetti* Hope you both (and I hope other people) like this one.**

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><p><em>Same place. Balthazar is sitting alone on the couch, watching tv. Sam, Dean and Bobby are at the table, trying to teach Castiel how to play poker. Crowley is up looking out the window, hands buried in his pockets.<em>

DEAN. For the last time Cas, two nines don't beat three fours.

CASTIEL. But nine is a higher number.

SAM. It's not the number on the cards that matters, it's the number of cards you have. _(Castiel looks at his, tilting his head to the side in confusion)_ Okay, let me rephrase that...

CASTIEL. I liked Elen's game better.

DEAN _(with a scoff)_. What, the drinking game? _(Castiel nods)_ Dude, bad angel.

SAM. Sorry dude, Nerwende has only put Elen and Jo in a story once.

DEAN. She could do it again.

SAM. Maybe, but I think it's still too soon?

CASTIEL. Why?

SAM. I think she's still upset that the writers killed them off.

BOBBY. She's not the only one.

SAM. Yeah. I think that's also why she never wrote anything about Bela.

DEAN. Good riddance!

SAM. You're only saying that because she would have hooked you up with her.

DEAN. Damn straight.

CASTIEL. So Nerwende was upset Bela died?

SAM. Pretty much. I mean the girl loved Bela. Kept saying she had style.

DEAN. Which she did, gotta give her that.

SAM. Right. But apparently she's a tricky one to write so Nerwende still doesn't know how to do it.

BOBBY. Actually Bela came and went quite a few times here, so I guess Nerwende wanted to write something about her too, but never could.

CASTIEL. Then how come I've never met her?

SAM. Before your time.

DEAN. Yeah because when you showed up, Nerwende only had eyes for you.

CASTIEL. I thought you'd gotten over it.

SAM. You stealing his spotlight? Not a chance, buddy.

BALTHAZAR. Aw, don't worry Deano, we still love you.

DEAN. Bite me.

BALTHAZAR. Wouldn't that be slashy?

_Dean turns away from him, sulking. Balthazar smiles triumphantly and turns back to the tv, using his powers to flip through the channels._

BOBBY _(to Balthazar)_. Hey knock it off, you're gonna screw up my tv.

BALTHAZAR. I'm not making it do anything it can't.

BOBBY. The remote's right next to you, you idjit. Why don't you use it?

BALTHAZAR. What would be the fun in that?

BOBBY. Don't make me get up to get you.

DEAN _(singsong)_. Better do what he says, Flyboy.

BALTHAZAR _(sighing as he picks up the remote)._ You humans are so touchy when it comes to material things.

CROWLEY _(finally turning away from the window)._ One of their many flaws.

CASTIEL. Don't start that.

DEAN _(sarcastically)._ If you don't like our company, you can always leave. Oh that's right, you can't!

CROWLEY. That's right boy, laugh it up. I hope that in the next story she writes I'm gonna have an opportunity to kill you.

SAM. If I know her - and I do -, you wouldn't live to tell the tale.

DEAN. Yep. She'd probably get one of those three to avenge my tragic death.

BALTHAZAR. "Three"? Me too?

DEAN. Yeah because you would have realized how much you've actually grown accustomed to me, and how you actually saw me as a friend, yadda yadda yadda.

BALTHAZAR. Oh god, kill me now.

CROWLEY. You and I both.

_Suddenly they all hear footsteps in the corridor._

BOBBY. Who's it gonna be now?

SAM. Sounds like a guy's footsteps.

DEAN. Dad?

SAM. Again?

DEAN. I don't know.

CASTIEL. Maybe Zachariah, she's written about him before.

BALTHAZAR. I just hope it's not Raphael. That would be awkward.

CROWLEY. I couldn't care less who it is, to tell you the truth.

DEAN. Whoever it is, I hope he knows all about this 'cause I'm not going through all this crap again.

BOBBY. Damn straight.

_Soon they get their answers when the door opens to reveal..._

BALTHAZAR : Gabe!

DEAN. Oh, great.

GABRIEL. Hey guys. You missed me?

SAM. Not really.

GABRIEL. You do know words can hurt, right? _(He looks at Crowley)_ I don't think I know you.

BALTHAZAR. He's a demon.

GABRIEL. Gross.

CROWLEY. The name's Crowley.

GABRIEL. Condolences.

CROWLEY _(sarcastically)_. I like you already.

_Gabriel's only answer is a smug smile. He walks up to the couch and sits next to Balthazar, putting his feet on the coffee table._

BOBBY. Looks like Stephenie Meyer over there doesn't know what timeline to use.

DEAN. You think?

GABRIEL. Not that I'm complaining. I was kinda getting bored on my own. Being dead isn't all that fun.

CASTIEL. Neither is being here.

GABRIEL. Good point. How long has she kept you waiting this time?

DEAN. Two years.

GABRIEL _(gaping)_. You're joking.

DEAN. Nope.

GABRIEL. What the hell happened? Did her brain finally shut down?

BALTHAZAR. Well actually Cas and I got to do this little thing two months ago, but it was basically what Dean likes to call a "chick flick moment".

CASTIEL _(pouting). _She made me cry. Literally.

GABRIEL _(holding out his arms)_. Aw, who needs a hug?

CASTIEL. Stay away from me.

GABRIEL. Your loss.

CROWLEY. And I thought one smartass angel was bad.

BALTHAZAR. Just consider yourself lucky Uriel isn't there.

SAM. You never know, she just might decide to add him later.

DEAN _(deadpan)_. Yeah, that would we just awesome.

GABRIEL. Well he _was_ the funniest angel in Cas' garrison.

CASTIEL. I already told him that, but he didn't believe me.

BALTHAZAR. I'm not surprised.

CROWLEY. Am I the only one to find it unfair that there are three humans, three angels and only one demon here?

BOBBY. Yeah.

SAM. Yep.

CASTIEL. Yes.

DEAN. Uh huh.

BALTHAZAR. You are.

GABRIEL. Totally.

CROWLEY. Sorry I asked.

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><p><strong>And... tada! Gabriel is here! I had to keep you waiting a little now, didn't I?<strong>

**See you next week for scene IV,**

**nerwende**


	4. Scene IV

_Same place. Bobby, Sam, Dean and Castiel are still playing poker. The angel seems not only to have understood the rules, but also to master the game. Balthazar and Gabriel are watching tv while Crowley is absently reading one of Bobby's books._

DEAN. Okay, that's it. I'm sure you're using your powers to win.

CASTIEL. I can assure you I'm not altering the game in any way.

DEAN. Yeah, right.

BALTHAZAR. Kid's not cheating, Dean. He doesn't even know what that means.

DEAN. I'm not convinced.

SAM. Did you just call Cas a kid?

BALTHAZAR. Yeah, why?

DEAN. I don't know, maybe he's not exactly what we'd call a kid.

BALTHAZAR. Well he's my little brother.

GABRIEL. In fact he's THE little brother.

BALTHAZAR. Right.

BOBBY. What's that supposed to mean?

BALTHAZAR. What, you guys don't know?

CASTIEL. Balthazar...

DEAN. Know what?

CASTIEL. Nothing.

_Balthazar hastily turns off the tv and he and Gabriel both grab a chair and go to sit at the table with them. Crowley, suddenly very interested, puts his book on the coffee table and goes to stand behind the Winchesters. Everyone is looking eagerly at Balthazar, much to Castiel's dismay._

BALTHAZAR. Cas is our youngest.

CASTIEL _(with a deep sigh)._ You had to tell them.

SAM. You mean, he's the youngest angel? Like the last angel ever made?

GABRIEL. That's right, Einstein.

CROWLEY _(grinning as he looks up at Castiel)_. Interesting.

CASTIEL. Yes, fascinating. Now, who's turn is it?

DEAN. No, no, no, you're not getting out of it that easy. _(to Balthazar) _So how old is he in angel year?

BALTHAZAR. I don't know... I guess if I had to translate that in human, I'd say he's a young adult. You know, like in his early twenties or something.

GABRIEL. His _very_ early twenties then.

BALTHAZAR. Right.

BOBBY. Coulda been worse.

BALTHAZAR. Yeah, except that he's way behind everyone else.

BOBBY. How come?

BALTHAZAR. You'd have to ask the big boss. All I know is that we all thought Yeratel was the last angel but then a few centuries later, we found ourselves with a clumsy little cherub on our hands.

SAM. Clumsy?

CASTIEL. I think this conversation's gone far enough as it is.

BALTHAZAR _(ignoring him)._ You should have seen him when I was trying to teach him how to fly. Kept running into things-

GABRIEL. Or people.

BALTHAZAR. Or falling down like a stone. I remember once he managed to fall right down to earth.

DEAN. He fell all the way down from Heaven to earth?

GABRIEL. Oh yeah, and a lot of damage it did too.

SAM. What do you mean?

CASTIEL _(looking pleadingly at the ceiling, as if praying)_. Nerwende, please put me in a story now.

BALTHAZAR _(still ignoring his little brother)_. By the time we managed to reach him all the dinosaurs were dead.

SAM. Wait, so he's responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs?

GABRIEL. When I asked him why he'd killed them, he said. "They didn't wanna play with me." _(Bobby, Sam, Dean and Crowley start laughing) _

CASTIEL _(glaring at Balthazar)_. Thank you very much.

DEAN _(wiping away a tear of laughter)_. Aw don't worry Cas, we're always willing to play with you!

CASTIEL. You're not funny, Dean.

SAM. Ah, don't listen to him Cas. It's not that bad really.

CASTIEL. Thank you, Sam.

SAM. You only nuked an entire specie just because they didn't want to be your buddies! _(Everyone but Castiel starts laughing again)_.

DEAN. At least you didn't eradicate unicorns or something.

GABRIEL. About that-

CASTIEL. Don't.

GABRIEL _(raising his hands in surrender)._ Okay, okay. Geez Cas, relax.

DEAN. I don't believe this. They had to send me the baby angel.

BALTHAZAR. Hey, it was his very first important mission. It was a big deal.

CROWLEY. Aw, little Cassie's first baby steps. I may cry.

CASTIEL. I'm feeling quite close to tears myself, though it's for an entirely different reason.

DEAN. Ah come on, there's nothing to be ashamed of. We all have embarrassing childhood stories. In fact I can recall a couple of stuff Sam did as a kid...

SAM _(suddenly dead serious)_. You wouldn't-

DEAN. Did I ever tell you about that time when Sam heard that if you found the end of a rainbow a leprechaun would give you gold?

SAM. You would.

CASTIEL. There's no such thing as leprechauns.

CROWLEY. Why, did you kill them all too? _(Castiel glares at him)_

DEAN. Anyway, the point is Sammy really believed that story so everytime there was a rainbow you could see him running outside toward it's end or whatever. There was this one time he's drawn a whole map trying to figure out where the end would be. Of course by the time he was done the rainbow was long gone.

BALTHAZAR. Aw little Sammy must have been so disappointed.

SAM. Give me a break, I was six years old!

CROWLEY. So did little Sammy stop looking for the leprechaun?

CASTIEL. It's funny how you two get along when you want to humiliate someone.

DEAN. Actually he kept looking for it for a while. Then of course our dad told him that the only thing to do if he ever came across a magic midget in a St Patrick outfit was to shoot it and that's how I ended up with a traumatized Sammy to comfort. _(Dean, Bobby, Crowley, Gabriel and Balthazar start laughing again. Castiel doesn't, but he's obviously trying to suppress a grin.)_

BALTHAZAR. Oh you poor thing!

CROWLEY. You humans have the saddest lives ever!

SAM. Yeah well you used to be one too!

CROWLEY. And then I got better.

CASTIEL. Everything is relative.

CROWLEY. Oh do shut up, dinosaur killer.

BOBBY. Alright kids, let's not start a war here.

BALTHAZAR. Right, because our beloved author might just do that for us.

MASCULINE VOICE. Don't give her any idea.

_All heads whip around towards the voice, only to see…_

DEAN. Dad!

SAM. It's been so long!

BOBBY. Winchester.

CASTIEL, BALTHAZAR, GABRIEL. John.

JOHN. Hey, guys. _(He looks at Crowley) _I don't think I know you.

CROWLEY _(with a dramatic sigh)_. This will never end.

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><p><strong>Daddy's home! Hope you guys liked that chapter.<strong>

**Scene V will be posted in a week, as per usual.**

**nerwende**


	5. Scene V

_Same room. The number of occupants has dramatically increased. Dean, Sam, John and Bobby are playing poker while Mary is watching. Castiel (who's been rejected from the game because Dean was still sure he was cheating) is playing chess with Balthazar, casting worried glances at Meg who's taken a seat next to him and is staring at him dreamily. Crowley is sitting on the couch, talking with Bela while Chuck, sitting between them both, is trying to hear the tv above their conversation. Gabriel is playing a drinking game with Elen while Jo serves as referee. In the kitchen Adam and Anna are standing at the countertop, eating Chinese leftover while Ruby and Pamela are at the table, playing the infamous "I never" game, and Zachariah is sitting on a chair in the corner of the living room, glaring at the crowd and silently cursing the author for associating him with them all._

SAM. I don't know about you guys, but I think it's a little too crowded here.

DEAN. You think, genius? I can't even hear myself think.

SAM. I don't think the crowd has anything to do with it.

DEAN. Bitch.

SAM. Jerk.

MARY. Boys.

SAM, DEAN. He started it!

JOHN. Shut up, both of you.

SAM, DEAN. Yes, sir. _(They silently elbow each other)_

BOBBY _(with a sigh)_. Idjits.

.

CASTIEL _(noticing Balthazar isn't paying attention to the chessboard)_. Balthazar!

BALTHAZAR_ (without looking at him)_. Huh?

CASTIEL. What are you staring at? _(He follows his brother's gaze then sighs)_ Of course.

BALTHAZAR. I can't help it. _(childishly)_ Can I go?

CASTIEL. The game's not over! _(Balthazar pouts, eliciting another sigh from his brother)_ Fine. Go.

_Balthazar doesn't need to be told twice. He gets up and all but runs up to the drinking game table. Castiel watches him go, shaking his head a little. When he turns back around, he's startled to find Meg sitting across from him._

MEG _(with a sly grin)_. Play with me Clarence?

.

GABRIEL _(downing his last shot)_. Giving up yet?

JO _(as her mother's about to answer)_. Mom, remember the last time you played with an angel? _(Elen thinks about it for a moment)_

ELEN. You're right. _(To Gabriel)_ Congratulations, you w-

BALTHAZAR. So, who's winning?

GABRIEL. I feel insulted, Balthy. As if she could ever beat me.

ELEN. Yeah keep bragging Fluffy, you're going down!

JO. Mom!

.

CROWLEY. So, I hear our dear author has never invited you in one of her stories.

BELA. That's right. Looks like she can't handle me.

CROWLEY. So you've met her.

BELA. Yes. Haven't you?

CROWLEY. Nope, not yet.

BELA. Consider yourself lucky.

CROWLEY. Is she really that bad? Because all I've been hearing is how dangerous she is.

BELA. Just pray she doesn't like you too much.

CHUCK _(sheepishly)_. Huh, guys? This is getting kind of annoying.

BELA _(with a warm smile)_. You're absolutely right.

CHUCK. I-I am?

BELA. Yes. _(Chuck smiles a little) _So if you could just get off that couch, we would be very grateful.

CHUCK _(getting up, disappointed)_. Oh. Okay.

_Chuck walks into the kitchen, trying to find something to drink. _

_.  
><em>

ADAM. You come here often?

ANNA. You do know it's the oldest one in the book, right?

ADAM. I'm serious. I mean, she's never even written anything about me but I still end up here every six months or something.

ANNA. Me too. It's the first time the room's so full though.

ADAM. Yeah, usually it's my brothers, Bobby, Castiel and me.

ANNA. To think those four are stuck here all the time.

ADAM. Yeah, poor guys.

.

PAMELA. I never kissed a girl. _(Ruby gives her a dirty look then drinks. Pamela drinks too.)_

RUBY. I never had sex in public. _(Pamela drinks.) _Interesting.

PAMELA. Yeah, but fifty minutes of fun weren't worth eight hours in jail.

RUBY. No kidding. Your turn.

PAMELA. I never cried watching a movie. _(Ruby drinks.) _Seriously? Which one?

RUBY. _The green mile_, alright?

CHUCK. I cry every time I see it too. I mean, the ending is so unfair and yet so beautiful. _(both women glare at him.)_

RUBY. I never wanted the annoying prophet to leave the room. _(Both women drink.)_

CHUCK. Got it.

_Chuck goes back in the living room and sits next to Zachariah, casting worried glances at the angel._

_The door bursts open again. Everyone in the room turns around to see who it is… Then freeze. There stands a young woman with sandy blonde hair and very pale skin. She slams the door shut herself and stomps up to the couch. Bela grabs Crowley's sleeve and hastily gets up and away. The woman gracelessly flops into the couch, looking very upset. Everyone else has gone quiet. The only sound in the room is the steady rustle of fabric as the stranger moves her leg up and down in a nervous tic. Crowley looks at the others, and is shocked to see them all frozen in place. Adam, Anna, Pamela and Ruby are standing in the doorframe where they obviously stopped dead in their tracks._

CROWLEY. Uh, guys?

DEAN. Oh, this is not good.

SAM. So not good.

JOHN. You've got that right.

MARY. That's never happened before.

BOBBY. This is gonna hurt.

CROWLEY. What?

BALTHAZAR. She came in here. That can only end badly.

MEG. Yeah, like second apocalypse badly.

ELEN. Jo, you stay with me.

JO. I don't think she'd separate us, mom.

ELEN. Yeah well, do as I say.

CROWLEY. Is something bad happening that I should know about?

GABRIEL. Do yourself a favor : shut up.

PAMELA _(quietly to Ruby)_. I never feared that moment. _(Both women look at each other and discreetly down invisible shots.)_

CHUCK. Maybe if nobody acknowledges her she'll leave?

BELA. I don't mean to burst your bubble, but I think stunned silence is acknowledgment.

CROWLEY. Okay everyone, stop pretending I'm not here and answer me! What is going on here? Who is this girl?

CASTIEL. It's her. _(He turns to Crowley) _It's Nerwende.

* * *

><p><strong>That's right, I put myself in the story. What the hell, if I'm gonna pull a Chuck Shurley might as well go all the way. <strong>

**Alright, see you next week for the sixth (and last) scene.**

**nerwende**


	6. Scene VI

_Same room. Nobody's moved a muscle except for Crowley, who's getting more and more frustrated._

CROWLEY. _That_ is the girl you guys are so afraid of? _(The others nod)_ You're joking, right? She's a kid!

CASTIEL_._ Technically she's a young adult.

CROWLEY. And you guys are angels, demons and hunters. You're gonna let her rule your lives?

MARY. Shh she could hear you.

CROWLEY. So what? I'm not afraid of her.

SAM. Oh God.

CROWLEY. What is she doing here anyway?

NERWENDE. I'm trying to come up with a good story, Crowley. And yes, _(she turns to them)_ I heard that. _(She gets up off the couch and walks up to the others, who stay where they are.) _Hey guys.

SAM. Hi!

CASTIEL. Hello, Nerwende.

BOBBY. How's it going?

DEAN. Long time no see!

MARY. It's good to see you.

JOHN. Definitely.

RUBY. I like your new haircut.

ANNA. Yeah, it really compliments you.

GABRIEL. Happy birthday, by the way!

BALTHAZAR. Yeah when was it, last Wednesday?

NERWENDE _(smiling)_. That's right. Thanks for remembering, guys.

GABRIEL. You got it!_  
><em>

CROWLEY. Oh for God's sake! What are you guys, her pets?

DEAN. Shut up.

NERWENDE. Hi Crowley. I bet it's hard for you to understand but don't worry, it's all gonna be fine.

CROWLEY. Fine? I've been stuck in here with these clowns for the past five weeks, during which all I've heard about was how much I they've suffered because of you, and then you waltz in here and tell me it's all gonna be fine?

NERWENDE _(looks incredulously at the others)._ You told him I make you suffer?

DEAN. Well uh…

SAM. Actually we, uh…

BALTHAZAR. Well you've gotta admit…

NERWENDE. Hey, there are a lot of authors out there that hurt you guys way more than me! And I'm not even talking about the actual writers.

CASTIEL. Yes, we know that, but you still have a tendency to-

NERWENDE. It's not my fault if I'm better at writing angst than comedy.

CROWLEY. Well from what I've heard, you're not very good at writing, period. _(The others look appalled) _What? I'm only stating the truth, here.

NERWENDE _(to the others)_. You guys said that?

BOBBY. We never said you weren't a good author.

SAM _(increasingly nervous)._ We just hinted that sometimes… Your stories can be a little…

NERWENDE. Yes?

RUBY. Don't say it.

SAM. Kinda… OOC?

RUBY _(sighing)_. He said it.

_A very pregnant silence settles in the room. Sam shifts nervously, while everyone else look at him as if he had a death warrant on his head. After a while, Nerwende clears her throat._

NERWENDE. Look, I know, okay? I know. But if you think it's easy to write fanfics-

CROWLEY. Excuse me lady, but nobody's twisting your arms to make you write them. Besides who writes those anyway? Aren't you a little too old for this?

NERWENDE _(offended)_. I will have you know Stephen King himself has written fanfiction, at least once.

CROWLEY _(with a scoff)._ Right. Of course he did.

NERWENDE. You ever read _The doctor's case_? That's a Sherlock Holmes fanfiction right there. And, while it was very good, the characters were a little OOC too.

SAM. She does have a point.

NERWENDE. Thanks, Sammy.

DEAN _(under his breath)._ Geeks.

NERWENDE. I heard that.

DEAN. Sorry.

CROWLEY. Well at least Stephen King is a good writer.

GABRIEL. What part of "Shut up" didn't you understand?

NERWENDE. Listen to the archangel, Crowley. I'm not really in the mood.

CROWLEY. You're not in the mood? Well how do you think we feel, being stuck in here like that?

NERWENDE. I'm trying, okay? It's not my fault I have no idea what to write.

ZACHARIAH. Then why don't you at least let us go until you come up with something?

RUBY. Baldy has a point, here.

NERWENDE. What is this, a mutiny?

ELEN. No, we're just asking you-

CROWLEY. To stop trying so hard. Maybe the reason why you have no inspiration is that you're not a very good writer and you should just leave us alone.

NERWENDE _(looking at the others). _Is that what you all think?

JOHN. Well without saying you should never write again-

CROWLEY. Though we'd really appreciate it.

JOHN. -I don't really see the point of keeping us all here.

_Nerwende looks around the room, hoping to find someone that would be on her side, but they all seem to agree with John. The young author nods sadly._

NERWENDE. Alright. _(She slowly walks up to the door and opens it.) _Leave if you want. I won't be bothering you anymore.

_The characters looks at each other, stunned. Nobody dares to move at first, then all at once they rush to the door. Nerwende watched them leave, then goes back to sit on the couch, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands. Mary, the last one in the room, looks back at her. She seems torn. Then she grabs Dean's sleeve._

DEAN. Come on mom, let's go!

MARY. Wait.

_Dean follows his mother's gaze and his face softens. He and Mary walk back into the living room. The others start to notice and walk back in too._

CASTIEL. What's wrong?

CHUCK. Aren't we... _(looking at Nerwende)_ Oh.

BELA. We're not leaving anymore? 'Cause it felt like a good plan.

JO. Oh please, grow a heart.

BALTHAZAR _(to Nerwende)_. Are you gonna be alright, darling?

NERWENDE. Yeah… No. I mean, what am I gonna do now?

CROWLEY. Not our problem, lady.

ELEN. Give her a break, will you?

ANNA. I hear you like drawing, and you're not half bad at it. Why don't you do that?

NERWENDE. Yeah, but I liked to write too.

RUBY. Do we have to listen to this?

GABRIEL. Shut up.

DEAN. Well maybe you can write about something else?

NERWENDE _(tearing up)_. But you guys are my favorites! My favorite characters in my favorite show! It felt good to write about you because you're all so awesome. You guys inspire me! But if you hate it, I'm not gonna hold you back. I wouldn't want to make you do things you don't wanna do.

_An awkward silence settles in as she starts crying. The characters huddle up together._

CROWLEY_._ What's wrong?

SAM. We can't leave her like this.

MEG. We can't?

CASTIEL _(in an icy tone)_. No.

BELA. Then what do we do?

JOHN. What we've always done. Follow her lead.

RUBY. Aw, man!

ANNA. Come on, she needs us.

RUBY _(with a defeated sigh)_. Fine.

PAMELA. Good girl. Zach, you with us?

ZACHARIAH _(with a shrug)_. The actual writers killed me off anyway. I don't have anything better to do.

PAMELA. Meg?

MEG. If Clarence is in, so am I.

PAMELA. Crowley?

CROWLEY. It looks like I don't have much of a choice here.

BALTHAZAR. See? You're not so dumb after all!

DEAN. Cas, you tell her we're staying.

CASTIEL. Why me?

DEAN. Because you're her favorite now.

SAM. Now you're just being ridiculous.

DEAN. I don't care.

_Dean pushes Castiel in Nerwende's direction. She looks up at the angel, a puzzled look on her tearstained face._

CASTIEL. We, uh, we decided to stay.

NERWENDE _(with a shy smile)_. Really?

CASTIEL. Yes.

RUBY. But only if you stop going OOC.

BELA. And if you start including Adam, Anna, Crowley, Chuck, Gabriel and – more importantly - me in your stories.

DEAN. And if you stop killing and/or hurting us so much. I don't know, write more humor fics or something.

NERWENDE _(with a hopeful smile)_. You got it!

GABRIEL. Then we're staying.

NERWENDE. Promise?

GABRIEL. Promise.

NERWENDE _(as she wipes away her tears)_. Good. _(She gets up and her voice instantly goes from pleading to commanding.) _Now I want Bobby, Sam, Dean and Cas with me, I have an idea. The others wait here.

_Everyone stands there looking at each other, shocked._

JOHN. What the hell?

NERWENDE. What?

CHUCK. You were… Faking?

NERWENDE. Sorry Chucky. I know how men hate this kind of thing.

CROWLEY. But how...

NERWENDE _(winking at him)_. Drama class, baby.

_She grabs Dean and Castiel by their sleeves and drags them towards the door with Sam and Bobby following._

RUBY. What a manipulative little bitch! _(She smiles) _I'm starting to like her.

MEG. Me too.

CROWLEY. Well I'm not. We're stuck in here again!

MARY. Not exactly.

_Everyone follows her gaze._

ADAM. She left the door open.

ANNA. You think she did it on purpose?

MARY. I'll bet she did.

JO. So we're free to go?

ELEN. I guess so.

BELA. So… should we?

_Silence._

BALTHAZAR. I think I'm gonna hang around here for a while.

GABRIEL. Me too.

JOHN. Me too.

_One by one they all settle down except for Crowley. Though trying to occupy themselves, they all discreetly watch him expectantly. After a few moments, the demon walks up to the door… and closes it._

**The end.**

* * *

><p><strong>Wow. It's over. I'm kinda sad now.<strong>

**Alright, thanks to all those who read this little piece of insanity. And special thanks to kissacazador for her very useful suggestions, girl you rock! This story pretty much owes you Gabriel's presence and the last two chapters.**

**nerwende**


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